All about belonging is a blogger guest series – you guessed it – all about belonging. I have invited other bloggers to share their stories, thoughts, opinions, and ideas to do with the theme belonging here on Kate Lili Blog. I hope this guest series showcases the variety of views on belonging, and the many ways having or not having felt a sense of belonging has affected people’s individual life experience. Each new guest post will go out on Wednesdays at 6pm so stay tuned.
I’m chuffed to welcome Julie to my blog to share her thoughts on belonging. Julie is mum to 3 children, one teenager, one 9 year old and one 6 year old so she has a breadth of experience. Oh and she also works full time while blogging too. So an all round super star in my book! Julie is one of the few people I’d count as a blogger friend so I’m really pleased to share her guest post about belonging.
Have you always felt that you belonged? Always just slotted in somewhere and bumped along nicely or do you always end up feeling like the piece of a jigsaw that got kicked under a table by mistake? You were important for a while but quickly forgotten and moved on from. If you’d just been found and the dust blown off you might have slotted in and made a huge difference.
When I was younger I always felt I belonged. I was shy and quiet but never really had any trouble making or keeping friends, in the street, at school or even Brownies. I kept the same group of friends throughout my school years but once school ended those friendships sadly drifted apart. People moved away, moved on and remember those years with fondness.
I started working and forged new friendships easily, I worked in a bar where everyone grouped together, went around to each other’s houses and there was always someone to have a night out with, I even shared a house with my best mate. We had our struggles but mostly we loved it. I met people from all sorts of backgrounds and liked lots of different things about them. We all had different music tastes, different views on life and different families but we just accepted everyone for who they were.
Then I moved onto a call centre where again I had an abundance of friends / colleagues and people I could share a cigarette and a gossip with. Those friendships were just as easy to fall into. Sat next to the same group of people it was normal to spark up a conversation over a love of cake or a mutual eye roll over a particularly tricky customer. Nights out were often planned for all to get involved and the friendships at work spilled into ‘real life’.
Fast forward 10 years and I’m in a completely different situation altogether. I don’t really feel like I belong at all. At home, of course I belong, to my kids, my partner and immediate family I’m hugely important but outside of that I don’t have a huge circle of friends. Actually I don’t even have what you’d call a small circle of friends. As most of the friends I’ve had in the past have come from work I really struggle with being only 1 of 2 people that work where I do.
The longer it’s gone on the more I now struggle to make friends, I’ve completely lost my confidence. I can’t just walk up to strangers and start chatting it makes me really nervous and like I’ll say the wrong thing so I tend to be the one that everyone talks ‘around’. Whenever I go to work meetings and see people I more or less see only once a year, we do the cursory “hi, how are you?” and that’s about it. Maybe they think I’m arrogant and up myself? Maybe they just think I’m rude but rarely will anybody make an attempt to coax me over to their ‘clique’. I’m often the one pretending to look for something in the bottom of my handbag because I have no clue what else to do with myself.
I don’t know where to begin to change it though. How do you start to belong again? Where do you search for an elusive group to belong to, that accept you for who you are? It’s so much more difficult as an adult to try and make friends. You can’t just admire someone’s hula hoop and ask if you can play, that would just be too weird, so how do you do it? I am the first to encourage my children to get involved and talk to other kids, to make friends but how hypocritical am I being when I can barely do it myself?
I wouldn’t say I’m particularly unhappy but I would love to have a group of people I can belong to and call good friends. One day I’m sure it will happen again. Even if it’s just Doris, Lizzie, Pat and I giggling like idiots in the old folks home.
You can read more on Julie’s blog called Picking Up Toys. I love this recent one I Survived Parenting A Teenage Boy
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