Today was a bit of a wash out and in trying to complete 100 things I only managed to do one.
I think I got a bit excited it was the weekend and husband is home. The prospect of having another adult around to well, adult with me, got a bit overwhelming and I messed up the whole day. Our plans for this Saturday got cancelled so we had planned instead to get some DIY done. Then I had a brilliant idea
that I would take my daughter to get our nails done. Later we would clean the house, do food shopping, oh and get new tyres on my car. What actually happened was none of the above except the tyres. It’s a long and boring story but needless to say I think it was a classic case of organising too much for one day.
It’s the school summer holidays which means I am at home all day every day with two children one aged 6yrs, one 6 months. I love having Beg home from school, I am one of those annoying mums who looks forward to the holidays. But this year, she is 6 and seemingly in full force child diva mode where she expects every second of her day to be mapped out with fun and exciting things to do. Meanwhile as I’m sure every mum can relate to, somehow all the mundane boring household stuff needs to be done along with meeting at least the basic needs of her 6 month old brother. Which on some days, somehow, it all wonderfully clicks into place and I feel like some amazing Amazonian tribal woman connected through the centuries to my fellow mums and grandma’s who managed to raise kids through the bubonic plague and days of no indoor plumbing and other such minor inconveniences. But some days, like today, I feel like a cartoon being pulled in 5 different directions at once. Mamma needs some me time! I used to abhor that turn of phrase ‘me time’ get over yourself! But maybe if I phrase it another way…’to prevent a ratchey –assed wife I really need to be left the fuck alone for a bit. Please.’ I went out with some friends one night this week and we put the world to rights over noodles and sticky rice which was great and restorative and needed but I still feel like I would just like to be alone. Not vacuuming with the baby in the wrap alone, not cleaning the bathroom alone, but properly alone. And that is not a euphemism-that one is whole other can of worms!
The thing is husband and I can very quickly end up in a face off comparing how much time we have each had alone/doing things we like and it’s easy to get offended I suppose. YOU would like some time would you? YOU who is at home all day while I slog my guts out at work? YOU who gets to stay in hotels while I stay home with the kids? It’s never said aloud, mostly because we don’t have the time to finish a conversation with each other but we both know the sentiment is there, hanging in the air like a fart. Equally we both know it’s completely ridiculous to even have that kind of conversation and scoring points off each other is not really our style either. Me having a mad rant about something completely unrelated, him going quiet for a week, that’s more our code for ‘something is bothering me’. Usually I’m as clueless as the next person as to why I’m such an irritable cowbag but today I put my finger on it. And still the DIY needs doing, still I’m typing one handed with a baby on my shoulder and right now I’d settle for being able to watch a film in full with no interruptions, with him even. Him and his farts.