Putting on a show

If you’d asked me do I feel I ever put on a façade for others I would have answered categorically no, definitely not. That was until I found myself plumping the sofa cushions today.

A new mum friend was coming to visit, someone I don’t know very well, so I’d tidied the house ready. When she popped round to offer her apologies –she couldn’t come after all her babba was unwell- I thought oh well the house is sorted now at least. As I switched the plug in off I thought “Oh how funny, I must have had that on expressly for her visit.” Then I went round and did a few other things, I opened the window, I made a cuppa, I realised actually there were a few things I had done in order to present myself in a certain way to this person I didn’t know very well. I thought that was really interesting.

In college I failed my psychology A-Level and a couple of others too (cough cough) but I remember learning about conformity. Zimbardo did this awesome albeit completely unethical experiment in 1971 called The Stanford Prison Experiment which I see on TV quite regularly in varying forms. He basically pitted two groups of people – volunteers – against each other as prisoners and prison guards and the surprising results were not just how horrible the guards became with the prisoners but how compliant the volunteer prisoners became.

There are different ways people conform to things. Basically what I like to think of as the wishy washy and the true die hards. I fall into the true die hards camp. If I agree with something I take it on fully. Balls to the wall, no holds barred, I’m in or I’m out. This is probably why I was smoking 20 a day by the time I was 21. As I’ve gotten older I can see that most of life is a massive grey area and therein lies the beauty (turns out there are many societal factors that play in behaviour like smoking so not quite so rebellious after all) but I am still prone to strong opinions and I am still prone to not really caring what people think of me. To be honest, I think it was what Rich found so attractive about me. It certainly wasn’t the smokers cough.

I’m an informed decision kind of person. It doesn’t matter to me if all my friends are doing the cry-it-out method, if there is a good reason I don’t want to then I won’t. I read and research things, I go my own way when I have to because I know that ultimately it’s me who has to be happy with the consequences of my decisions. That’s not to say that some of my decisions are not sacrificial. I love hearing people’s opinions and I love it when my thinking is challenged. In fact let me just take this moment to say those people are my favourite. The ones who can discuss without arguing, who present me with a totally different viewpoint and go but what if…? And it makes my mind open like a flower.

flowerAnyway I would never in a million years have thought that I was the type of person who does something, anything just because it’s what other people do. Until today when I plumped those pillows and considered waiting to use the loo in case someone knocked my door. Did I want her to think my home was lovely? Yes. Had I decided the best way to show her that was to have a nicely presented orderly house? Yes. That was somewhere in my consciousness. Did I want her to think my house smells nice? Yes. That’s just a funny I like nice smells too, I sometimes spray air freshener even when no-one has done a poo. When I get to the root of it, what essentially is the point of all that? I wanted her to like me. I turned that plug in off and all this came running through my mind -and now you have had the pleasure of coming on this mini journey with me- and I thought “Oh.” ” I wonder what other strange little ‘please like me’ things I have been doing all this time.” Perhaps I would have been a lot more compliant in that experiment than I ever realised.

“…in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” – Mother Teresa.

19 Comments

  1. Ali
    14th October 2016 / 8:31 am

    AMEN, AMEN and AMEN! 🙂

  2. 16th October 2016 / 9:11 am

    I think we would get on 🙂 It always strikes me that if we never had any house guests, we probably wouldn’t ever tidy up or do the hoovering 😀
    x Alice
    #kcacols

    • 16th October 2016 / 1:27 pm

      Haha we all have a quick hoover round when there’s someone coming over don’t we 😉

  3. 16th October 2016 / 7:59 pm

    Loved this post. It really got me thinking and I like posts that challenge me to think. I think conforming to what people or the world expects does creep into all of our lives sometimes. We all need a ‘pillowgate’ moment to challenge us about why we do things.

    I do stuff like that too, rushing round the house tidying because someone is coming. Its a shame the other day someone came early when the downstairs toilet had just been used and it wasn’t the aroma of coffee and flowers that greeted them! I sheepishly invited them into out home, watching their faces twitch as it hit them!!

    Mother Theresa is spot on! Amen! #KCACOLS

    • 16th October 2016 / 8:04 pm

      Haha that is so funny! Thanks for such a lovely comment, I was unsure about this one. It will now forevermore be referred to as pillowgate! Lol.

  4. 17th October 2016 / 6:15 am

    This is so true, I have a friend whose house is always a mess and I never bother tidying if she comes for a playdate as she doesn’t care. I have another mummy friend who likes her house to be immaculate and it’s a whole different story, everything has to be orderly/hoovered if I know she’s coming, I feel like a slob if I don’t. It’s silly, isn’t it? x #kcacols

    • 17th October 2016 / 10:39 pm

      It’s funny because I could be that friend with the tidy house who you feel like that with but if you’d seen the house I grew up in you wouldn’t feel like that. It was a state. Sometimes there’s just more to life than tidying! X

  5. 17th October 2016 / 8:23 pm

    So true! I think I only actually tidy up properly when people are coming over haha. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

  6. 18th October 2016 / 12:04 am

    Hello, I totally do that. Then I get cranky I did those things. Thanks for sharing! #KCACOLS

  7. 18th October 2016 / 1:06 pm

    I LOVE this mother teresa quote!! It reminds me of Colossians 3:23… “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as for the Lord and not for men.” #KCACOLS

    • 18th October 2016 / 1:11 pm

      That’s wondeful thank you, that will help me when I’m serving at church! 😉

  8. aliduke79hotmailcom
    18th October 2016 / 9:58 pm

    They say you clean up more in the ten minutes before someone comes round than you do all week lol. I do this too, I think we all have this natural urge to be liked.
    #KCACOLS

    • 19th October 2016 / 10:03 am

      Yes I agree with you I think so too. Well I need to keep arranging people to visit then it will motivate me to do more! Haha

  9. 20th October 2016 / 6:49 am

    I always tidy loads before people come over, but usually I’m not bothered by the mess that my child makes! It’s funny that we all do these things subconsciously to impress others. #KCACOLS

  10. 20th October 2016 / 6:35 pm

    I deifnately think we are influenced by people and the world around us X #kcacols p.s. I did a degree in Psychology flipping hate it now!

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