Ranting About Miserable Gits

As we all know Facebook is a fantasy land of comments and opinions that exists outside of the the normal realms of logical everyday mundane life. What you write on there doesn’t even really count does it. But it does, really. And I’ve quietly been noticing more and more sly shit going down on social media and I have to say, Facebook is ripe with it. Everywhere I look there is some miserable git who seems to think their sole purpose in life is to bring other people down on Facebook. Well I’m here to tell you, it’s not.

Differences of Opinion

There’s a saying that goes ‘opinions are like arseholes, everyone’s got one.’ We don’t all agree, that’s part of the beauty of life. Facebook is a public forum and the differences of opinion and culture and personality make it an interesting online space. I feel if you put something out into the public online space you should be prepared for people to have an opposing opinion. But it seems to be declining at a rapid pace into argument central. I see people (most times women) writing shitty comments even on the most innocent/banal posts. ‘That cat isn’t even cute’. And my point is, we all know you’ve got an arsehole but we don’t always want to see it. Stop flashing your arsehole about like some entitled, insensitive idiot. Because sometimes, your opinion just isn’t needed. Part of maturity is realising that your opinion isn’t always necessary or even, dare I say it, important.

Outspoken

Maybe you’re reading this thinking that being outspoken is a quality you’ve always liked about yourself and I would agree with you there. I have been in situations where my thoughts and feelings have been bursting out of my face. My cheeks go hot and my stomach churns and I feel like Homer Simpson ‘don’t say it Kate, just don’t’ But I have to. Historically this has been where I have observed a considered injustice, and I’m sure you have been in this situation before and can understand just what I am describing. Sometimes, morally I feel like my input is needed. And yes that sounds conceited but I wish everyone felt like that on certain topics like sexism and other blatant isms that need to be regularly challenged if we are ever to hope for a more healthy future for our kids. It’s all the sly underhand comments I personally cannot stand.

Power in the Written Word

I have read so many loaded comments on Facebook. Not so easy to spot sometimes in conversation, in the written word it is plain to see. I posted in a group recently and received a lot these types of loaded comments. My daughter’s school had an opening ceremony that parent’s were not allowed to attend and my post was about how I was disappointed. That’s the general gist of it. The replies were all from other women, who do not know me personally and they were very opinionated, and I thought quite aggressive in places. But not in an overtly obvious way. In that shitty sly way that some women have really perfected. I stopped replying about 2 hours after posting and just watched the post with interest. By the end of the day I had been told I was controlling and unable to let go of my children enough for them to be upstanding members of society. It was suggested I should be more grateful and I should volunteer at the school so I could see with my own eyes how much effort the teachers put in. Instructions to me from people who have no idea of what my personal circumstances are. Most of the replies were patronising and admonished me for what they considered was a trivial opinion. Much of the comments referred back to their own personal circumstances and how things worked for them and that across the board it should be acceptable because it is for them. The old ‘it never harmed me’ argument. On a post that was not at all argumentative by any measure. Or so I initially thought. I was obviously quite wrong. On many levels according to these women.

Social Constructs

It really piqued my interest though because I was fascinated with why they felt so compelled to kind of attack me on this very mundane point. I was interested to consider why I posted it in the first place too. I still don’t fully have the answers to this but I do think some of the replies were defensive. Attacking others’ opinions or way of life often comes from a place of feeling attacked yourself. Why did these women feel so strongly about a school rule? It wasn’t their school and even it were why would they feel so defensive about something so banal? I think it’s because they felt like in a way, my post was saying ‘I don’t think the way you do school is right’ and they wanted to defend their decisions and their way of life. Breastfeeding arguments pop up on my feeds all the time, I stay well away from them because I know how emotive they can get and I do not feel they ever really help in any way with providing useful info about breastfeeding. I would say go to a support group, vent to your friends, but you won’t get far on a Facebook thread when it comes to breastfeeding even if you just wanted a bit of support.

Bitches be Bitchin’

The thing is, half of that stuff would never had been said to my face. In real life if I had said in a group situation what I wrote, I think it would have been the people with supportive things to say who would have made themselves most known and the thinly veiled snarkiness would have gotten side glares. I have to remind myself that among the people who feel it is their right and duty to tear apart anything they see on Facebook – from moaning about family photos to how many Christmas presents your kids got compared to theirs – there are the ones who don’t tear you down. There are people who read your post, didn’t agree with it and scrolled on past. I generally keep my posts as light as possible but people will find fault in anything. I posted to ask if anyone wanted to come to the theatre to watch Titanic the musical and someone commented how terrible it is that there are musicals made about tragedies.

Give it to me straight

What do you think? Do you enjoy a little Facebook war? Do you feel justified when you feel you have out-pointed someone on a Facebook thread? Or have you also noticed how quickly things are taking a nose dive on Facebook? I’m at the point where I’m a bit frightened to post anything on there. Where do you stand?

17 Comments

  1. 28th April 2018 / 11:12 pm

    I think that people can be a lot ruder and nasty on social media than they would usually be in normal every day conversation because they can hide behind their computer/phone. It’s sad sometimes reading comments, especially on the whole breast vs bottle debate – one I’ve stayed well away from on my blog! #KCACOLS

  2. 29th April 2018 / 12:13 am

    I have had to try not to read the comments as it’s such an ugly aggressive world out there. I do get lured in and have pointess arguments but I’m getting better at ignoring it all #KCACOLS

  3. 29th April 2018 / 12:26 am

    I’ve learned to ignore trolling comments – they’re only after a reaction and if you try to enter into any form of debate with them you are giving them what they want. There is definitely also a lot of passive aggressive or overly defensive comments too. Honestly, I don’t have the time to pick a fight with people who are going to resort to sly insults and then claim you are misunderstanding them when you call them out on it.

    By the same token, though, I often see people getting inordinately upset just because someone has disagreed with their point of view – you get comments in bloggers’ groups asking if such comments should be deleted. No they shouldn’t, in my opinion – removing offensive comments is one thing but removing all disagreement is tantamount to censorship. To me, showing that you’re happy to let dissenters voice their opinion and even engaging with them is a sign of maturity. We don’t all have to disagree and just because someone has a different opinion to me doesn’t make them wrong. #KCACOLS

    • Kate Lili
      Author
      29th April 2018 / 12:28 am

      Yeah I agree with you Tim

  4. 29th April 2018 / 12:39 am

    I basically stopped using Facebook for anything other than entering competitions after I first got elected to the local council – I mean, you can just imagine the kind of comments and it wasn’t worth the hassle. It’s as though people seem to forget that social media is still ‘real life’; people you know and who know you can still see your comments. There was one guy in particular who posted some really disgusting stuff, like not just bitching but nasty racist / sexist / threatening things, yet to my face he was nice and pie and claimed it was all a joke. He was the only one laughing… #KCACOLS

  5. 29th April 2018 / 6:29 am

    Some people just like to spew hate as they find it easier to say things like that behind the anonymity of a computer.

    #kcacols

  6. 29th April 2018 / 12:46 pm

    People are so rude when they aren’t face to face, like the internet is a front for people to be ‘brave!’. #KCACOLS

  7. 29th April 2018 / 8:05 pm

    Whilst social media can be such a amazing thing it can also be such a mood changer, people can be so mean. I often see things that I may not agree with but I would never ever be rude or insulting. Everyone has the right to their own opinion. #kcacols

  8. 29th April 2018 / 8:49 pm

    I’m sure people feel braver when they can hide behind their keyboards. #KCACOLS

  9. 29th April 2018 / 9:06 pm

    Some people seem to forget that the comments on the Internet are just as real and helpful / hurtful as things you say face to face as there is a person behind that profile etc. Disagreeing with someone is fine, but be nice about it and chose your words carefully. I avoid some FB groups and sections of Twitter as I just don’t need the hassle. #KCACOLS

  10. 30th April 2018 / 9:49 am

    I have learnt what not to say over social media, it really is very different to talking to someone in person: the tone of voice can make things be taken in a much better way, or if you say something with a smile it is clearly a joke, when things are said online you sometimes just can’t tell. If in doubt don’t say it! #kcacols

  11. 30th April 2018 / 7:36 pm

    I don’t actually like facebook and am only really on it for my blog to be honest. In fact, I’ve just deleted most of my ‘friends’ because I can’t stand the negativity/falseness and downright rudeness sometimes! Thanks for hosting #kcacols

  12. 30th April 2018 / 9:24 pm

    Err no, absolutely not. The thing that I really hate about social media is that people think it is okay to voice opinions that they wouldn’t have the courage to say in person. If you wouldn’t say it in person, then don’t say it at all is a rule that we should all live by. Pen x #KCACOLS

  13. 1st May 2018 / 4:39 pm

    I totally agree with you there – I’ve noticed that too. There seem to be a rise of keyboard warriors who enjoy being hurtful and extra opinionated… but only when hiding behind a screen. #KCACOLS

  14. 6th May 2018 / 6:46 am

    It’s much easier to be offensive on social media than in person. I haven’t really experienced many negative comments – that probably means I don’t spend enough time on facebook! #kcacols

  15. 6th May 2018 / 10:00 am

    You see that so often especially on social media! I don’t get involved because I think it is a waste of time but it is funny to read some rants or fights sometimes. Ooops I know it is naughty but if people put it in the public eyes… #KCACOLS

  16. 21st October 2018 / 4:10 pm

    People are rude to my face all the time ! Like the other nite I was helping a colleague to carry a huge pianing fromf her car to the exhibition, she asked me to help her because she didn’t want to look ‘like a prick’ were her words. she went back to her car cos she thought she had forgotten her handbag , so thinking to help her I carried the painting by myself. She came up to me and said ‘oh u didn’t have to you know, now you look like a prick’ Charming ! this woman is nearly 80 ! I just laughed, But I do like a good rant on face book, thats wot its for ranting and raving.If you think people are being aggressive just say:I think that is aggressive’ I always say things that sound bad and I never mean them that way it just comes out wrong – as you know Kate !

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