Schofe’s Gay!

Phillip Schofield came out as gay this week. I applaud him for his courage, and I thought his official press release statement was lovely. But I do wonder how a person can go for so long in life and not know they are gay?

I mean, you go through puberty, you begin to have sexual feelings toward people, you know if you fancy men or women or both don’t you? I recall it being quite clear when I went through those changes and new thoughts. Quite clear (if you catch my drift, and I’m sure you do). 

Schofe’s come out as gay after being married to his wife for 27 years. The statement he made really sounded as if it was a realisation that had just dawned on him. Like ‘ohhh I wasn’t hungry I just like willies’. ‘It’s bums I really fancy, not McDonalds’. 

I don’t think that’s possible. Surely he’s always known he was sexually attracted to men he just didn’t feel safe to come out or didn’t want to admit it? I would bet he’s been secretly watching gay porn for a while. 

Coming at this bizarre scenario from my own world view my first thought is, we’ve got enough to worry about! As wives we worry about everything. All the time. Was his drive to work O.K.? Is his health O.K? Is Chardonnay from accounting flirting with him again? Is he having a stressful month at work? Have I been a grumpy cow all week? We really do not need to add in ‘Is he fucking gay?’. 

We do not need to spend 27 years of our lives (especially the part when we’re at our hottest) dedicating every breath to you only to be told it was one big farce. A cover story marriage because you were scared of what people might think of you. And to top it off maybe you’ve been eyeing up our brothers over the Christmas dinner table since 1992. 

It’s obviously a very complex and emotive issue. And I think unfortunately after years of people campaigning for equal human rights we’re only really just entering the age of acceptance. Even then it’s almost as if people are being dragged kicking and screaming. I’ll never understand the hatred people display to others who are not like them, it’s plain deplorable. But I also don’t understand how you can suddenly realise you’re gay (and to be clear, I think coming to terms with and understanding that your trans-gender is a different experience). 

Is it a given that he’s always known and just hidden it? It’s not an uncommon occurrence either. Perhaps Schofe’s of the generation where there would have been a huge backlash if he’d said he was gay. I remember watching him in the broom cupboard back in the day and I wouldn’t have given a fig if he was gay, but I can only speak for myself. Perhaps he had concerns his family wouldn’t be supportive. 

Nobody but Schofe himself knows the full story and we as objective observers into these celebs lives can only guess. 

I hope that we are now in an era where the next generation won’t feel they need to lie to themselves and others about who they really are. About who they want to fuck and who they want to marry becasue it doesn’t matter as long as everyone involved is being treated well and with respect. 

Hopefully through people like Schofe sharing his personal life in this way we can avoid another generation of broken hearts on all sides. 

If you liked this topical post you may also like to read about my body confidence (or lack thereof).

8 Comments

  1. CJ
    9th February 2020 / 10:41 am

    I normally love the way you write but I’m struggling with this article. It’s an interesting topic for sure but certainly not as straight forwards as loving “bums” and “willies”.

    I imagine there will have been a load of social factors at play as well as wrangling with his own conscience after marrying and having children. He clearly said his friends and family had known for a long time. It takes a huge amount of vulnerability and self acceptance to be able to acknowledge this part of oneself especially given the kind of society we live in. Research shows that it is possible to detach from parts of ourselves that we dislike or reject, to push them so far out of our conscious that we are barely even aware of them until they start causing us difficulty such as through psychosomatic symptoms.

    When I saw the clip of This Morning I felt confused but that pales into significance when thinking about the confusion and pain he and his loved ones might have felt. What stood out for me was the love between two friends sat on the sofa with Holly reading his words.

    The words which came to mind for me were compassion and empathy. Yes, this may be an difficult situation for his wife but by the sounds of it his wife is accepting and has known for some time. I can only imagine the pain, confusion and guilt that man has lived with. After all, it seems he has not been able to live life as his authentic self until now.

    Of course, I am only guessing. Only he knows what has gone on for him.

    For me, it also makes me consider the meaning of marriage. Is it possible to have a fulfilling marriage in such circumstances? Surely marriage is about more than sexual attraction? There is something about honouring each other, showing respect and working a way through difference.

    There we are, I wrote an essay. I felt more passionately about this topic than I realised.

    • Kate Lili
      Author
      9th February 2020 / 10:47 am

      I had thought someone might have a problem with those two sentences but decided to leave them in anyway. Thanks for your thoughts, interesting to read and I agree with most of them.

      • Cj
        9th February 2020 / 11:05 am

        It’s not just those two sentences that I have an issue with. My intial reaction was to write something as rude/offensive/ignorant as I find this article but tried to choose my words more carefully.

        • TD
          9th February 2020 / 11:27 am

          Typical comment! Phillip is the victim here! He has mislead his wife and children for 27 years! But hey poor old Phillip! The article by kate clearly says she respects his courage but I totally agree that it is his wife who people should be showing the respect for and also her courage! Apparently they have know for a long time yet she has not revealed anything and even lived his lie with him! Imagine how hard that has been for his wife! Just so he doesn’t have to come out in public with it! Hiding something for 27 years is hardly courageous! And I’m glad you chose not to reply with something rude/offensive/ignorant because nothing in that article is any of them!

  2. 9th February 2020 / 7:03 pm

    Well done Kate for writing about this – it’s not an easy topic to write about and it’s good to see you being frank about this. I think Phil coming out was a shock to most people. I feel sorry for him if he has known for years that he was gay – carrying that couldn’t have been easy. And of course – what a wonderfully supportive wife and family he has….choosing to stick by him all those years. That’s true love. I believe that Phil and Steph (I think that’s her name) clearly love each other and marriage is much more than just sexual attraction isn’t it? I guess they are soul mates or best friends… It’s great that everyone is being so supportive of Phil – and like you say, I only hope that future generations don’t feel the need to have to hide behind their true feelings.

    • Kate Lili
      Author
      9th February 2020 / 7:16 pm

      Thanks Lauretta, I appreciate that. I’ve just used Schofe as a most recent example for this topic really. I’ve known of 2 other people this has happened to ‘in real life’. Whilst it goes without saying that a marriage is much more than sexual attraction, it’s still betrayal (if he knew he was gay which I’m arguing he probably did) and coming at it from my own life view I just wanted to put it out there that these women would be well within their rights to be angry or upset about being betrayed for all those years. We all can hope for more acceptance and empathy for the future for sure.

  3. 9th February 2020 / 7:26 pm

    I’d love to get inside his head and find out how long he felt conflicted. His wife might have known for 26 years who knows? Did the news cover this? I was having a gym induction when I saw it on the news (volume turned off!) lol x

    • Kate Lili
      Author
      9th February 2020 / 7:47 pm

      I don’t know either, maybe she did x

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